Fiona Rookwood

Birth and death;
we all move
between
these two unknowns.( Read more... )

Death ends a life,
not a relationship.( Read more... )

Ways I do not want to die:

• Fever, intense rashes, colon pains, foot drop, inflammation of the abdomen, a putrefaction of the genitals (producing worms), convulsions, and difficulty breathing - all one person!
  
• Starving to death.
  
• Roasting to death in a brazen bull.
  
• Flaying. By iron combs or sea shells.
  
• Eaten alive by mice.
  
• Red-hot poker inserted into my anus.
  
• Beaten to death with my own wooden leg.
  
• Gangrene.
  
• Molten lead.
  
• Overeating. (Merlin, just how many people had died from gluttony)
  
• Molasses.
  
• Monkey.

This book is really brilliant, and it's insane the sort of things you could die from. Seemingly harmless things, like laughing yourself to death or choking on a single hair in milk.

I have the best friends (and family) in the entire world. Thank you so much for the lovely gifts: Gus, Beth, Caleb, Kent, Rosmerta, Victor, MIRIAM, and, of course, Dedalus! I love you all so much. I swear to Merlin, all of you are in league with each other. Are you all trying to tell me that I need to fatten up?

WARDED TO DEDALUS:

Of course I'll let you take me out to dinner, silly. When can you get away from the Mystery Mines?

This mirror is amazing, and I can't look at it without thinking of you and your hats. What are you wearing today?

PS. What are these tickets? Are we going to see some big cats? Or am I missing something?

WARDED TO BETH:

This skull is amazing, Beth. I was expecting another bottle of wine I think it's going straight on the mantelpiece!

I was going to post about how György Dózsa wanted to be king so badly in the 16th century that his ambition cost his life. The Hungarians didn't like that, but they had a sort of sense of humour for putting down his traitorism by condemning him to sit on a red-hot iron throne wearing a red-hot iron crown, holding a red-hot sceptre. Then fed him to his week-long starved fellow rebels..

But the haiku just wasn't working so I gave up. Maybe next time.

Instead, I wanted to show everyone the new addition to my family. This is Valkyrie, Val for short. I know he's not female, but I really just loved the name so much that I couldn't think of anything else. I hope he doesn't have gender identity issues later.

( Cut for picture )

WARDED TO DEDALUS DIGGLE:

Are you feeling up to going to Caleb's birthday thing tonight?

WARDED TO THE MORBID GIRLS, MIRIAM STROUT & VERONICA SMETHLEY::

So I know I promised you lot details on the date, but I haven't been able to bring myself after Thursday. I would have done it Thursday morning, but one of the Muggle-borns from Amner came in to request services. Then the Inferi came, and I just sort of lost all momentum for retelling anything happy.

So instead, I'm choosing to write and say that you're all welcome at my flat tonight to celebrate Veronica's birthday.

WARDED TO VERONICA'S FRIENDS:

I'm hosting a little gathering for Veronica's birthday at my flat above Diggs' Funeral Home in Diagon Alley. You're all welcome to stop by and have a drink or two and some finger foods.

WARDED TO DEDALUS DIGGLE:

I just saw this morning's Prophet.

Is

That's not

I am so sorry, Dedalus.

WARDED PRIVATE:

I don't know what to say. There can't be that many Diggles in the Wizarding World, and even less that were former Wizengamot. It has to be Dedalus's mum and dad, and the very idea that he's lost both of his parents in one fell swoop is devastating.

I wish I could stay with my mum this weekend, but I need to be here in case

This is the part where I hate working where I do. I hope that they take them somewhere else. Oh, please don't bring them here. If it was someone I didn't know, I could stay firmly detached, the way we have to, but when it's someone I know... that becomes so much harder, and I usually have to excuse myself when I know there will be five minutes I'm not needed.

It makes me miss Daddy, and I never even knew him.

Oh. That was headache-inducing.

WARDED TO AUGUSTUS:

I would say I can't believe you forgot about Mothering Sunday, but how many years have you done that?

Happy Mother's Day to all the mum's out there - old and young.

Did you know that Mother's Day was originally much more of a spiritual thing? Celebrating goddesses, rather than our mothers, starting all the way back in ancient Egypt? The goddess Isis started celebrations a very long time ago, and it wasn't until the 1600s that it encompassed our own mothers.

ETA: WARDED TO MORBID GIRLS, MIRIAM, VERONICA, & ROSMERTA:

What does one wear on a star-gazing mee dat date - I suppose that's what it would be called - in March?

WARDED TO AUGUSTUS ROOKWOOD:

I broke things off with Dung Friday. I feel so completely rubbish for it. I never ever want to do that again. I swear, I must be the most emotionally stunted person in the world. I am so much better at dealing with the grieving and the dead.

You were right though. I think he might have stolen it. He never outright denied it, the whole conversation, and he sort of sounded like he might have been bragging about having run-ins with the law.

I am so disappointed in myself. How anyone can do this more than once bleeding mental, Gus. It worse than being on the receiving end.

I am just an arsehole.

WARDED TO THE MORBID GIRLS, MIRIAM STROUT & VERONICA SMETHLEY:

Breaking up with someone sucks.

WARDED PRIVATE:

No time like the present. I've been putting it off ever since the middle of bloody February, and I know it's because I've always hated being on the other side of this.

WARDED TO MUNDUNGUS FLETCHER:

Do you have a moment?

WARDED TO ROSMERTA:

Guess who I'm going to ice cream with tomorrow to finally meet.

WARDED TO KENT & CALEB:

I've a question to ask you. Nothing serious, so worry not.

How much do you know about your co-worker, Dedalus Diggle?

I am so torn! I've been looking everywhere for a black parrot, and all the ones I can find are so expensive that I can't bear to part with that much money. On top of that, I wouldn't even be able to get one for another another month or two.

On the other hand, there's this (not so little) beauty:

( cut for pic )

Isn't he beautiful? He's a black cockatoo. Red-tailed black cockatoo to be precise. He's no parrot, but he can be trained to talk. Apparently African Greys are the ones that can talk really well.

Help me decide, please?

There once was a wrestler from Croton,
Whose strength was not to be out-shone
While trying to boast,
He got stuck in a post
& wolves ate him to wrist bone.

It took me ten tries to get that, and it's sort of rubbish, isn't it?

Means I should probably read more poetry, and not just books on bizarre subjects.

I've decided to get a pet. I can't really do a cat or a dog, because if they get out of the flat, there is way too much for them to get into, so I was down to the smaller, cage-bound animals. Frogs aren't very cuddly. Fish... well, you can't even touch a fish at all, can you? They don't do tricks, they just swim. Hamsters, rabbits, and puffskeins were on the short list. And then Victor suggested a black parrot, and now the idea's taken root and lodged itself in my brain which means I am going to start looking for one this week. I've learned that you can't just walk to your local pet shop and buy one, because they don't usually carry them, so there's that. Hopefully in the next few weeks, I'll find one and will have a new pet!

WARDED PRIVATE:

These conversations really put me off. I don't even know what to think about it. On the one hand, I really wish that Gus would just leave me to figure things out on my own. On the other, if Mundungus Fletcher is a THIEF, then I don't want him near the funeral parlour. We have a lot of people of means come through here, and they sometimes chose to be buried with their favourite personal affects. Sometimes their whole Gringott's lot, but whatever - the point being, if he is a thief, there's too much for him to want to steal here.

On another hand - a third one that I've no idea where it came from - my brother is a great, big part of my life. He's gotten a little tetchy about people I've dated in the past, but never quite so adamant against someone. Not enough to really indirectly accuse him of something. If Dung can't bother to go out for drinks with my brother, and used the lamest some poor excuses to get out of it, then how many can he really like me?

The whole thing just makes me SO ANGRY, and I just want to throw things around my flat. Repair them. Then fling them around again. Repair them & - you get the goddamned idea. First thing I'm going to throw is this bloody bracelet (that might be sodding stolen!)!


And now I feel so much better. That was cathartic.

101 Unusual Deaths is turning out to be an interesting read. People used to be so creative in their sentencing. It's a little horrifying. I think the current article I'm reading about - scaphism - might be in my top 5 ways I would never, ever want to die.

What an absolutely glorious day!

WARDED TO MUNDUNGUS FLETCHER:

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for Tuesday. I absolutely love this bracelet, and you were entirely too charming for words.

WARDED TO MORBID GIRLS - MINUS ALLY:

Good thing you thought about that trip so soon, Ella! Looks like it will be just in time.

Has anyone talked to Sturgis about making sure that Ally's available that weekend?

WARDED TO MIRIAM STROUT:

Miriam, I just wanted to let you know that your father's all right. I didn't see anything going on outside, and all is quiet. Is there anything I should do? Should I take him anywhere?

WARDED TO MIRIAM & ALLY:

Are you okay? Where are you?

WARDED TO AUGUSTUS ROOKWOOD:

Do you have time for your sister in the next week? We could do dinner or just take the piss out of one another, I'm not too picky.

Sad week, and I will be busy for the next because of it. What a double-edge sword.

WARDED PRIVATE:

There is nothing so terrible as ordering a child-sized coffin, save ordering three for the same family. The Maguire family contacted us the day after, and I was all the more sorry for it. These are always the hardest to deal with. There's no sense, no expectation of the tragedy, and so giving the family some peace, some closure cannot and is not to be expected. All my words will sound hollow and there is no blame on either side for it.

Gary and Alfred are up in arms. The Maguires asked for me personally, and I don't understand why they should be sore for it. They have escaped having to face the family, and I am not so heartless or without emotion that this circumstance does not have any effect on me. I may not cry in their presence, but that does not mean I don't cry in private for them. I should be very grateful if they had asked someone else to preside for them.